Farewell to a Dear Friend

Not too long ago, I stepped into my favorite pair of pants; my capri jeans.  Not just my regular capri jeans, mind you, my Calvin Klein capri jeans.  And we ALL remember how important having Calvin Klein jeans were, right?  Except these weren't so tight that I had to sneak them out of my house (because my mean mother wouldn't let me wear tight jeans to school....the nerve of her!) and lie on my friend's bed (hello, Kathy!) to have her zip them for me.  Well, at least they weren't on most days.  But I digress.....

I loved these capris.  They fit so well, could be dressy or casual but most importantly, they were comfortable.  And now.....

They have gone to blue jean heaven.  I am torn (pun intended) as to how the rip occurred; was it because I wore them every Friday, Saturday and Sunday if the weather was over 70 degrees?  Or was it because my toenails were completely unkempt, as if I had been dead for six years,when I put them on a few weeks ago?  Either way, the sound of the tearing was worse than another tearing sound that I can vaguely remember, oh, seven years and twelve and a half years ago, but I'll spare you the details of those particular sounds. 

And, as if my loss wasn't enough, the rip itself seemed to mock me, smiling, as if saying, "FREE AT LAST!  FREE AT LAST!  THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO FIT OVER AMY'S ASS! "



And then there is my home confined prisoner, once again, making things difficult for me:

He just got another year added on to his sentence for that one!  But he'll get time off for good behavior if he keeps massaging my neck the way he has been the last few mornings.  Look, I take what I can get around here!