Age Defying, My Ass (Spoiler: a video of me gettin' down with a mop!!!)

I bought this facial cleanser

about six years or so ago; when we had money.  Or maybe it was because I had a gift certificate to a spa and HAD to spend money there.  I think that was actually the reason, because I can't imagine spending

$19.00 on a product that does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for my face.  $19.00 to us right now is nearly three dinners!  And has it DEFIED MY FACE OF AGE?  NO!  I fully expected to look like THIS:

after several applications.  That hasn't happened.

However, it HAS made my maturity level reach the age of two!

Click below to see how.  I don't think you'll regret it.  I, on the other hand.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aY0Sgtzwq8

P.S.  I LOVE GLEE!

Cat Court

Tomorrow is the big day.  Tim is heading to Cat Court to finally discover our fate and pay for the tickets that we received for our vicious cat, Ranger.  I wrote about his shenanigans here.  Thankfully, we have a friend/neighbor who is a lawyer and who will accompany Tim and support him when he is sentenced fined for our cat's alleged behavior.
 
We received three tickets.  The first was for not having his rabies vaccinations up to date.  Stupid and irresponsible, I know.  He has since received his rabies shots and we have the tag to prove it.  That ticket, I hope, will be thrown out.  The second ticket was for not having our animal on a leash.  Seriously?  A cat on a leash?  I'd be roaming the neighborhood with him all night if I put him on a leash.  The third was for, and I cringe just writing it, owning a vicious animal.  I googled "fines for vicious animal in Georgia" not too long ago and read an article about someone who was fined $2000.00 and jailed for a year.  I guess maybe I should be doing more than ironing a pair of khakis for Tim, huh?  What do you pack for a jail stint?  "Here is your Oil of Olay, honey.  Be sure to put it on every day before going outside for your hour of activity time.  It has SPF 30 and you don't want to get sunburned!"  
 
I am extremely anxious to find out what the fines will be. We don't use credit cards (because we were dumb in the past (a'hem) and are now smart) and have had to save up for a while for this. Hopefully we saved enough.  Ranger is unwilling to contribute to the pot at all. The nerve of him.  In fact, he doesn't even seem to be bothered by his actions one bit:
 
 

I won't be able to stream live from the courthouse, TMZ style, because I'll be sleeping in my soft, warm bed, home with the girls,  but will update this posting as soon as I hear from the bailiff.  Stay tuned!

IF THE MAID WASN'T BIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT!

Update:  8:23 - Tim has left for the courthouse.  He is wearing a plaid buttondown and khakis that, in his words, could possibly kill someone if the button pops off.  Let's keep our fingers crossed that the button stays in place.

Update:  9:31 - Katie and Elise just finished their breakfast; Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  (Okay, I don't have an update from Tim yet but need to keep these updates going.)

Update:  11:07 - Tim is home, which means he won't be someone's boyfriend, for now.  The tickets for the rabies shot and the leash law were dismissed.  The fine for the vicious animal was about $200.00 and we paid the woman's medical bills, which were $320.00.  So it wasn't really as bad as I had suspected, although I would have preferred to use $520.00 in another manner!

Ranger is showing no remorse, which makes me want to send him back to jail.  Rael, on the other hand, is having a great day!

 
 

♪ ♪ Let's Go To The Hop ♪ ♪

Elise had a Sock hop at her school last night. 

She was excited, but was adamant about one thing.  I could NOT dance at this event.  She cried a few days ago when I told her that I was going to "get my groove on" on the dance floor.  Cried REAL tears.  In fact, she said, and I quote, "I want you to be a LAME MOM at the Sock hop."  Seriously, how can I be a lame mom while "YMCA", "Baby, Baby, Baby" and "The Cha Cha Slide" are playing?  Who can even sit STILL during these songs?  Not me! 

It was pretty quiet when we arrived, so we played some games:

♪ ♪ How Low Can You Go ♪ ♪



Bowling



Cake Walk

One game that she was NOT allowed to play was Toss the Ball into a Cup and Win a Goldfish.  I couldn't help but call the parents walking around with a goldfish in a zip lock bag suckers.  I don't think they realized the trouble that they are getting themselves into.  I'm sure they realize it today, though, after having to run out to the store to get a bowl and fish food.  Most of them were probably smart and put the fish in a Tupperware with hot water so it would die overnight.  "Oh no!  You're fish died, sweetie.  I'm sorry!"  Why wasn't I that smart eight years ago?

We headed into the gym because the music was calling my name!  I wanted to cut a rug so badly, but I held my composure.  And so did Elise.  While her friends were dancing their hearts out, she decided to cop an attitude and sulk:

It didn't take long for her to get back into to swing of things and then she and her friends decided to partake in yet another round of the cake walk in the adjoining cafeteria.  Tim and I stayed in the gym, yelling into our own friend's ears talking to some friends of ours. 

The rocking 80 year old D.J. then asked for parents to dance.  Not only dance, but play inflatable guitars as well.  This was my chance!  Elise was nowhere in sight, and I was already itching to get down, after hearing countless Get Down With songs, so I volunteered.  And damn it, if Elise didn't show up right as I was being handed my fake guitar.  I was scared.  I was truly frightened of what Elise would do.  But after hearing that I'd be able to bring home that guitar, she was completely down with me rockin' out on some inflatable guitar:

 I had visions of really putting on a really good show for the kids:



But the other parents were keeping it pretty tame, so I kept it on a clean level and rocked back and forth like these girls:

Like all parents, I had every intention of embarrassing the hell out of my youngest daughter, but was not able to....this time.  I'll get you, though, my pretty, and your inflatable guitar too!

Happy Frickin' Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day folks!  The time of year when we spend money on candy for our kids for a useless holiday show our affection to our loved ones.  And Elise is ready and raring to go this year:

Actually, she IS really excited, but is suddenly camera shy, versus moments like this:

taken about this time around Valentine's Day last year. 

Although it appears that she is dissing V-day this year, she is not.  And to prove it, she decorated this beautiful box with which she shall receive many cards from her classmates:

My only wish is that they drop some lollipops, Nerds, and Andrew Jacksons into her box come Monday.

Wish me luck!

"24" My Ass

Tim and Katie have been watching episodes of "24" on Netflix for eleven years several months now.  I thought "24" meant 24 hours, not 8698 hours.  That's what the show should be called.  "Hey, dude!  Did you catch "8698" last night?  Jack Bauer just won't give up, will he?"  Yeah, that's more like it.

I love that they spend time together each night.  I love that Katie is forced to think, versus watching a gripping episode of "Sonny With A Chance".  And I really love that I can just set a basket of hot, ready to fold laundry in front of Katie and she'll fold it post haste.  Because she knows what will happen if she doesn't;  I'll fold it myself the next day. 

What I don't love is the noise that this television show produces.  The sound is kin to being at a red light next to a kid who has his subwoofer turned up to infinity in his new BMW that will be wrecked at the next light.  

First of all, the television is turned up to a volume that my neighbors three doors down can tune in every night without sitting here with us.  Lucky them.  Secondly, the surround sound is positioned on the den wall, which is the same wall that my coveted bed is pushed against.  That clock that ticks before and after the commercials?  That "Ba Bum, Beep, Ba Bum, Beep, Ba Bum?" I can tell you, there is nothing like being lulled to sleep by the bass sound of guns going off, screaming going on and that clock ticking every 10 minutes so I am made well aware of how long I am being kept awake.

And what is up with Jack Bauer?  He only yells or whispers.  He never speaks in an inside voice.  Or for those of you without children; a tone that normal people use in every day life.  Is he hoarse from yelling all the time so his only choice is to whisper his commands to his co-workers?.  I'm going to try that at work on Monday just for kicks. 

Lest you think that I am over reacting, here is proof that I am not able to escape the wrath of "24", even during daylight hours.  I present to you, Katie's latest Facebook status:



I guess there will be a day when they are forced to watch another show that lasts forever.  I hope and pray that it is something a tad bit tamer.  Might I suggest "Seventh Heaven"?  Or even good old Charlie Chaplin movies.  Man, those classics are a hoot!  I'm quite sure Tim and Katie would enjoy watching some silent films....I know I would [like for them watch them]!

I have killed two people since midnight, I haven't slept in over 24 hours. So maybe… maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are right now." ~ Jack Bauer AND soon, ~Amy Connaughton.  Very soon.

Disclaimer:  The quote above goes against everything that I wrote in my last post.  I can't be serious for too long!  Sarcasm is back, bitc#%$!

On a more serious note...

I started this blog to be funny; to let off some steam about my crazy dog, my crazy husband and my crazy girls.  But today, I am going to write about a different kind of crazy.  And I'm going to be, for once, serious.

I was horrified and saddened to read about Julie Schenecker killing her children because they "mouthed off" to her.  I am more horrified to hear that there were signs that abuse had occurred in her home before she decided to purchase a gun and shoot her children. 

I understand the burden of motherhood.  I work full time, an hour or more away from home.  I have two girls that participate in dance classes, one that participates four times a week, over 20 minutes away from our home.  I have a husband who most often works seven days a week.  And did I mention that I have two girls?  I am stressed.  I always am.  There are days that I just don't think I can take anymore.  There are days that I want to just leave the house.  There are days when I don't want to come into the house, knowing what is in store for me.  There are days that I want to live alone.  There are days that I want to turn back time and be responsible for just myself.  Motherhood can be and in my case, IS, exasperating.

Fortunately, I have family and friends that I can talk to.  Family and friends that listen and understand what I am saying and how I am feeling.  I remember my Mother telling me, after I had my first daughter, that if I was getting aggravated and simply couldn't take another second of new motherhood, that I should walk out of the house; leave my daughter and go to a neighbor's house for help.  I didn't quite understand this wonderful advice until Katie cried and cried an cried and cried.  Fortunately, I never felt the urge to have to leave the house, but I came close.  I came close several times. 

And I still come close to this day.   But I hang on. I do what needs to be done.  I listen to the fighting, the bickering, the smart ass comments, and the "mouthing off".  And at the end of the day, when I tuck them in, wish them a goodnight and tell them that I love them and hear, "I love you too", I know that it's all worth it and that I will wake up the next day to do it all over again.   I just wish that mothers like Julie could feel the same way.  You can reach out to your husband, your family and your friends.  You can even reach out to your own children for support.  And if you know that someone in your family feels this way, TALK TO THEM!  They may be hesitant at first, but they will break.  And they will feel better afterward. 

Disclaimer:  I'm not a psychiatrist, but I play one here on my blog.  Help a friend today!  ♥